Do I prefer a pencil to a pal?

I have no social life at the moment. When I dive into a big project I disappear for a month or two only to appear at the end of it feeling like I have no friends and that I am completely unloved by anyone who ever mattered to me. When, at the end of the project, I angrily call my pals to scold them for not being in touch they seem to have endless examples of them calling and texting me and getting nothing but a frosty silence in response. This is my official sorry to them. I am sorry.

But this is what it is like right now:

so much to do

hy is it impossible to work on something big and see your friends?  Do I prefer a pencil to a pal?

Well, I am lucky because despite being absent and selfish for a long time, I have friends who all let me back into their loving arms once I appear again from those deep waters of art. 

But I do disappear. And it is because I care deeply for what I do. Drawing is an obsession, therapy, and a job. Sometimes it pays, sometimes it doesn't. It is a constant in itself. 

Drawing is just another friend of mine that I spend a lot of time with. I don't love that friend more or less than I love the other friends. My drawing pal offers me things other friends can't, and they give me things my drawing pal has never been able to provide. Like a glass of wine, a shoulder to wail on, surprise laughing fits, holidays and a hug. Soon I shall emerge from the caves of drawing and return to all those things that reminds me that being a human being, is to be social. Although for me, I need to be alone to know that I need to not be alone. Sorry friends, bear with me.